Casino Hottie

Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the crap table. A very
attractive blonde woman arrived and bet twenty thousand dollars ($20,000) on a single roll of the dice. She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude."

With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and yelled, "Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!" As the dice came to a stop she jumped up and down and squealed... "YES! YES! I WON, I WON!" She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly
departed...

The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?" The other answered, "I don't know - I thought you were watching."

Wake me up at 5:00 AM

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment.

The next week the man realized that he would need his wife to wake him at 5.00 am for an early morning business flight to Chicago.

Not wanting to be the first to break the silence, he finally wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5.00 am."

The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it was 9.00am, and that he had missed his flight.

Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't woken him when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed ... it said... "It is 5.00am; wake up."

HONEYMOON

An 85-year-old man marries a lovely 25-year-old woman. Since her new husband was old she was concerned about his health, so the woman decides that after the wedding she and the old man would have separate bedrooms, lest he overexert himself if they spend the entire night together.

After the wedding festivities the bride prepares herself for bed and hears the expected "knock" on the door. There was the geriatric groom, ready for action. They fuck and all goes well. The groom leaves and the bride prepares to go to sleep.

After a few minutes, the bride hears another knock on her bedroom door, and it's the groom, again ready for action. Somewhat surprised, but nonetheless willing, the bride consents to more sex.

When the lovebirds are done, the old groom kisses his bride, bids her goodnight, and leaves.

As she readies to sleep again, the groom comes back again, as fresh as a 25-year-old, hot and passionate. This time the bride is truly amazed. "I am thoroughly impressed that at your age you can perform so well and so often. I have been with guys less than a third your age who were only good once. You are truly a great lover."

The groom, somewhat embarrassed, turns to his bride and says: "You mean I was here already?"

BLACKBOARD

One day, as the teacher walked to the blackboard,she noticed someone had written the word "penis" in tiny letters.

She turned around,scanned the class looking for the guilty face. Finding none, she quickly erased it, and began her class.

The next day she went into the room, and she saw, in larger letters, the word "penis" again on the blackboard.She looked arund in vain for the culprit,but found none, so she proceeded with the day's lesson.

Every morning, for about a week, she went into the classroom and found the same word writen on the board,each day's word,larger than the previous day's word.

Finally, one day,she walked in,expecting to be greeted by the same word on the board,but instead, found the words, "The more you rub it, the bigger it gets!".